Q:Surprise beautiful person! Once you get this, you must put it into at least 8 people's asks (anonymously) who deserve it. If you break the chain, nothing bad will happen, but it is nice to know that someone thinks you're beautiful inside and out. Help spread Anon love, not hate.
Someone thinks I am beautiful. :) I wonder if they like hot make out sessions.
The sexiest song ever written (about tax preparation). Happy Tax Day!
Q:This is so painful
I’m sorry if I caused you any pain.
The real me
I am really a 50 year old 300 pound bald man that likes to catch catfish with my kid.
Hi. I was wondering where you found that pony you were riding. I am really interested in saving that horse. See, I am trying to collect a complete set (for my friend’s daughter). I have been able to find almost all of the ponies (for my friend’s daughter) expect the famous Zed pony you are sitting on. Nothing would excite me more (for my friend’s daughter) then finally acquiring that prized pony (for my friend’s daughter). Obviously I would care for it, wash it, and give it some love so it was perfect in every way (for my friend’s daughter). I will be so relieved when the set is complete (for my friend’s daughter). Zed is so beautiful, he deserves to be ridden every night (by my friend’s daughter). Long story short, I really want that horse (for my friend’s daughter) and I am willing to reward you handsomely if you can help me procure it (for my friend’s daughter). .
Friendship is magic,
PS Seriously it is for my friend’s daughter.
Hi. I notice you caught yourself a cute lady. I am also trying to catch a cute lady so I was wondering if you could teach me your technique. It looks like you took some sort of hook and attached it to yourself and then threw a pole into a boat and waited for a cute lady to pick it up. Is that right? I never tried that before. I usually just tell them they have a nice smile or something. I am a little afraid of piercings. Do you think they make a clip on hook I could use? Do you have any other advice? What seems to be the best time to catch a lady? Can you recommend any specific pole brands? If I can’t find a motor boat would a row boat or a small canoe also work? Well I can tell by the look on your face that you are really happy with the lady you caught. I will let you get back to enjoying her company. Thanks in advance for any help!
Fishing for some advice,
Hi. I was wondering if you could tell me where you were when you met that tortoise. See, a while back we were in a race and I am super fast so i got off to a really big lead. I am not sure what happened next. I think my pre-race carrot might have been drugged. About half way into the race I felt really dizzy and disorientated. Luckily I was able to sit myself down under a tree shaded from the sun before I passed out. I don’t know how long I was down, but by the time I awoke the tortoise had won the race.
Ever since that day everyone in the forest has been calling me lazy and stupid. This is now a matter of honor. I have vowed to hunt down that tortoise and restore my reputation. He is not very fast so I have only been searching in a 1 mile radius from the finish line. Your picture is the best lead I have had in years. If you can help me find him that would be much appreciated. If you are his friend and don’t wish to help me, you should let him know that I am hot on his trail and I expect him to make a tasty soup.
Hare’s looking at you,
Thanks to everybody that sent me birthday wishes on here and kik. It made me a little less lonely.
Hi. That wall looks heavy. Do you need some help pushing it?
Together we can move mountains,
Today is my birthday. I was going to wish for a cute girl to get to know and have hot make out sessions with when I blew out my candles, but no one made me a cake. I just got kik and I would love it if you would send me a message if you are a cute girl that likes to make out or if you are good at making cakes. My screen name is worstonlinedater. I am so lonely.
Hi. I really like your first picture. Have you ever considered phone modeling? I own a phone modeling agency and I am constantly looking for new talent to model the latest and greatest phones for our clients. The way you are effortlessly holding your phone makes me think you are a natural. I figured I better send you a message to see if you had any interest in a career in phone modeling.
So how does it work? We pay $200 upfront and then a monthly rate depending on how many minutes you spend modeling. We will sign you up for a certain amount of minutes, but if you go over your limit each additional minute will be worth a lot more. We even let you send the pictures to anyone you want for free.
We are a serious agency looking for serious models so we are going to have to ask you to sign up for a two year contract if you want to work with us. There will be a penalty if you switch to a different phone model agency before the contract is up. We obviously offer higher rates to girls willing to work with smaller skimpier phones, but we want our phone models to feel comfortable so we will never ask you to do anything you don’t wish to do. If you are interested please respond with your phone number and hand dimensions. Thanks.
Additional terms and conditions may apply,
Brian, CEO of Brian’s Phone Modeling Agency and Haberdashery, LLC.
Hi. I don’t want to alarm you, but the those people behind you have been following you all the way up the mountain.
It’s all downhill from here,
Hi. I noticed you aren’t naked anymore, so I am guessing you ate from the tree of knowledge of good and evil even though I specifically asked you not to. Was that really so much to ask? I mean seriously, I made you honey crisp apples. Did you even try those first? They are f’n delicious - way better than those good and evil apples. Well, you kind of blew it now, I guess I will just keep these honey crisps to myself for a while.
I talked to Adam about this whole thing after finding him in a bush, so, uh, I pretty much already know what happened. You can try to blame it on that serpent over there, but I don’t see him eating any apples and you totally have apple breath.
Long story short, I am going to have to ask you to leave and not return. I’m probably going to have to make some winged man/lion/eagle/ox hybrid now to guard the place so you don’t come back. Ooh, maybe I will give it a flaming sword or something. That’s sounds pretty bad ass. Anyway, thanks for ruining my weekend.
Your Lord and savior,
P.S. I’m trying not to be too big of a dick about this whole thing, but I just want you to know that child bearing is going to be really really painful.
Q:what city do you live in!!
If you can stay anonymous why can’t I? I am on the east coast near the middle.
Hi, I noticed a book attacked your face in your picture. I hope you were able to survive. Ever since the book zombie uprising occurred I have been awfully lonely and some company would be nice. I don’t know of anyone else that has survived. Luckily I was able to inject myself with an experimental vaccine I was working on before I succumbed to the virus myself. I think I may be able to extend my immunity to others using a serum of my blood. Now that you have been attacked you only have a few days before the book virus mutates you into an albino paged nocturnal mutant Luddite. I am currently living atop a fortified apartment building equipped with an arsenal of book fighting weapons. I spend my days reading my Kindle, and patrolling the deserted city, hunting and destroying books zombies in the near impossible task of locating their headquarters, I am hoping to end their threat once and for all. Now that I am writing this down I am wondering why I never looked in the library. I am guessing that is probably where they are hanging out. Well I am off; I need to be back before sunset. Wish me luck. Let me know if you want to try the blood serum vaccine thingy.
Never judge a book by its cover,
P.S. What is black and white and red all over? Zombie newspapers.